***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
