everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
