Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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