If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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