you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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