You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
