A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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