i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
