Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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