The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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