Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
