I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
