So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
No more Irish car bombs ever.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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