$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
