Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
