I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
