think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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