i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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