I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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