so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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