ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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