Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
