Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
