I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
