awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
