I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize