dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
