I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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