If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You're a waste of cheezeits
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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