I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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