What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
