we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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