I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
