It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
