The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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