Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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