I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
God I need to hump something, right now.
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