Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
