I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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