everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
