I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
