Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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