You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
