I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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