i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Hippo gnu deer
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
As shirtless as possible
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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