My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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