Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
