Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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