Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
