Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
