you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
