im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
