Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
