He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize