I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize