I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
