Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
