Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
