Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
i think my cat just said my name.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
