I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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