he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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