Your face is a jimmy john
I am puke
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
