I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize