roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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