You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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