i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
your like the ambassador to my penis.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Randomize
