$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize