The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
