I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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