its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
