I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
