I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
