Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
